MEMOIRS AND BACKSTREET BARS

The house was quiet in the way a room gets quiet right before something breaks. I stood in the doorway with a half-packed bag, staring at the kitchen table where twenty years of routine had suddenly turned into a lifetime of memories. I didn’t know then that leaving would be the easiest part; it was everything that came after—the rebuilding, the unlearning, and the slow process of meeting myself for the first time—that would take the rest of my life. 

 

Memory is an unreliable storyteller, always rearranging the furniture of your past to make the story fit the person you turned out to be. For a long time, I believed my story began with the mistake that derailed everything. But looking back now, through the soft focus of time and distance, I see that what I thought was an ending was just the painful beginning, necessary cracking open of everything I had been holding too tightly. The smell of smoke from an old wood heater takes me back to the summer I turned ten—the year the world stopped feeling small and started feeling dangerous. Up until that day, my life had been drawn in neat, predictable lines. But by the time the leaves turned autumn brown, every boundary I had trusted was gone, and I had to learn how to navigate a life that had little meaning. 

 

I was somewhat a wild child in my younger years – payday and Saturday night was all I seemed to live for! Drinking and swinging the ladies on the dance floor was quite an adventure! A few drinks and I was totally uninhibited – I could have been on The World’s Funniest Videos! Crazy never needs an introduction! I’m amazed that I lived through it all! – In and out of relationships with no commitment in my thoughts! (Nightmares) of a crazy man . . .    

 

Now in the quietness of my mind the world that once was will never be again! I just laugh to myself and wonder how my world could have taken so many turns –It’s funny how we can rationalize or make excuses for everything we do in life! In looking back it all comes down to, what if I had zigged instead of zagged! But in truth I participated in all the decisions I made (right or wrong) The one thing I have learned in life is not to beat myself up for making mistakes –instead I just try not to repeat them again! So, the time has come to take inventory! I only have today – yesterday is gone forever! Now it’s time to count all my blessings and to be thankful to God for allowing me to live this long. Amen!  

 

Thomas Theophilus© November 2, 2026 

 

THE WISDOM OF TEN

 

My dad died when I was 10,

And I thought our world would surely end!

You see Dad was a preacher man,

And in the pulpit, he would stand –

“Please open your Bibles to Jeremiah 10”

Then, in a stern voice he would begin:

“I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,

that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.”

 

Chorus

To the world, the devil will speak his word,

But the teachings of God are the sweetest things I’ve ever heard!”

 

“What we learned as a child will be with us when we’re old,

The foundation is more precious than gold!”

I look back at a time when I was young,

And I remember those golden words that fell from Dad‘s tongue!

 

Chorus

To the world, the devil will speak his word,

But the teachings of God are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard!

 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your

own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will

make your paths straight.”

 

And looking back now, the truth I can see,

I don’t have to figure it all out for me!

No heavy burdens, no weight on my mind—

Total freedom without anxiety left behind.

 

Thomas Theophilus© November 1, 2026

PICKING FRUIT

 

Do you believe in luck?

Do you sometimes want to destruct?

Do you carry a four-leaf clover?

Do you just lie over and over?

Some questions that come to mind

You can answer or you can decline!

Do you wonder what makes you tick?

Who do you call when you’re sick?

Do you hear that little voice inside?

“Who is it,” can you decide?

Who are you accountable to

Or do you think the sky is always blue?

“I the Lord search the heart and

test the mind, to give every man

according to his ways, according to

the fruit of his deeds.” Jeremiah 17:10

 

Thomas Theophilus© October 31, 2026

 

STILL CALL HEAVEN HOME

 

Good morning, Lord it's me again to pray

I don't know where to start or what to say

So many times, I've drifted from the herd,

But through it all your saving voice I've heard,

And Lord I know that I have done you wrong,

But I'm so grateful that your grace is strong

To know that I can still call heaven home

No matter how far down this road I roam!

 

Chorus:

At four am I'm jarred right out of sleep

It's guilt and regret I am made to meet

Your life has taken such a winding turn

There are some hard things that you need to learn!

 

I know my own excuse is always the same,

And it's the way of the world that I usually blame!

So many times, you told me do not fear,

And in a bottle, you save my every tear –

Lord I am sorry for taking it for granted now

All the blessings that you did bestow,

But I'm most grateful that you can still forgive,

And giving me a brand-new way to live –

So, Lord please walk beside me through this day,

And don't allow any trouble in my way

Yeah, guide my steps and keep my spirit clean

Away from places that I should have never seen!

 

Chorus:

At four am I'm jarred right out of sleep

It's guilt and regret I am made to meet

Your life has taken such a winding turn

There are some hard things that you need to learn!

 

Thomas Theophilus© October 13, 2026

GRAPEVINES AND FISHING LINES

 

Barefoot and off to the fishing hole

A Cain reed used for fishing pole

A childhood that had no fear

Camaraderie of friends that were so dear!

All day long we would swim and fish and play

Looking back, I would have to say:

 

[Chorus]

 

A time that will never be again

I always thought it would never end

But Time has taken its toll

The truth is we will all get old!

 

Swinging on grapevines was a thing to do

A few broken arms, maybe even two!

Out of the house from dusk till dark

A time of joy that fills my heart!

 

[Chorus]

 

The time that will never be again

How we thought it would never end

But Time has taken its toll

The truth is we will all get old!

 

Yeah, we all get old, but those memories stay gold...

(Mmm, those golden days)

Barefoot and off to the fishing hole...

Never be again... oh how I miss them now!

 

Thomas Theophilus© October 19, 2026

TIMELESS SHADOWS

 

Outside, the wind howls.

In the yard, the dog growls.

In the shadows, the cat prowls.

But saddest of all

Is the past I recall:

When the heart was young and bright,

And love was our only light.

No endless chatter, no hectic pace—

Before we were caught in the rat race.

Now noise takes up space,

But nothing has changed:

The wind still howls,

The dog still growls,

And in the dark, the cat still prowls.

 

Thomas Theophilus© October 12, 2026

AUTUMN TO BLAME

 

Oh, the coolness of a fall wind –

Do these heartaches ever end?

My mind drifts back to yesterday,

And all my heart can try to say:

Time couldn't care at all for me,

A hidden pain no one can see.

I see us standing in the sun,

Before the damage had begun.

Your promises were warm and bright,

But faded like the evening light.

Now yellow leaves fall to the ground,

Where echoes are the only sound.

The glass is low, the hour is late,

I sit alone and weigh my fate.

It was love that tore my heart apart,

And left this chill inside my heart.

The whiskey only numbs the pain,

And I have only me to blame.

Oh, the coolness of a fall wind –

Will these heartaches ever end?

 

Thomas Theophilus© October 9, 2026